Live Now, Fast...
Hold fast to every opportunity to make life full and real. Don't wait. Live Now, Fast.
Last fall, I felt like I came out of a five-year, child-making, career-transitioning dream. I had been busily doing all the things successful suburban women can aspire to do - being a new mom twice, a corporate career-woman, an entrepreneur, a home-owner, a loving wife and daughter, pleasant neighbor, new friend and community volunteer. "Busy" meant cancelling beloved newspaper subscriptions that I no longer had time to read, wishing for time to spend with girlfriends and family members that were too far away to just drop in, de-prioritizing exercise and meditation that just took too long and working 12-15 hours days to show that I was "committed" to and "capable" of supporting my family . Life, reduced to survival.
What woke me up was the realization that twenty years after loosing my mother to breast cancer, I was starting to loose friends and family to the same disease. This time the loss was not in the form of death. Happily no one has died, but I realized that some relationships that I thought were strong, were not. In these cases, the loss came from women pulling away from me and others - creating interpersonal distance along with creating the space they needed to deal with the disease that humbled them and their families. For them, on a rational level, it is totally understandable. For me, on an emotional level, any space felt a little too big and too familiar - and too much like the beginning of the inevitable end.
Cancer seems to be one of the diseases that, while it critically affects those who have it in their bodies, also profoundly affects those who are in the circle of the disease - family, co-workers, friends, neighbors. Without getting into a dialog on who suffers more, everyone can agree that there are really no big winners in the battle with cancer, only small moments that illuminate how precious life is.
One of those crystal clear moments came for me after hearing one of these women relate their cancer story. As I fought back the tears, I realized that I was not fully healed from losing my mother years ago. I knew that I had to reconcile my feelings of abandonment and lost potential. I also knew that I needed to make the most of this wake-up call to create something better with my life.
And I needed to move fast. "Now" became my mantra.
I wanted to plum the depths of my experiences and emotions and start living more on purpose. I realized that I never wanted to reach 45 or 60 or 90 and say, "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda" and I specifically felt I owed it to my children, and to the memory of my mother, to make my time in this life really stand for something. For this I was going to have to face some big issues in my life and it would take courage, perseverance and a single-minded determination to make this happen.
Welcome to my journey. Join me for awhile...
Last fall, I felt like I came out of a five-year, child-making, career-transitioning dream. I had been busily doing all the things successful suburban women can aspire to do - being a new mom twice, a corporate career-woman, an entrepreneur, a home-owner, a loving wife and daughter, pleasant neighbor, new friend and community volunteer. "Busy" meant cancelling beloved newspaper subscriptions that I no longer had time to read, wishing for time to spend with girlfriends and family members that were too far away to just drop in, de-prioritizing exercise and meditation that just took too long and working 12-15 hours days to show that I was "committed" to and "capable" of supporting my family . Life, reduced to survival.
What woke me up was the realization that twenty years after loosing my mother to breast cancer, I was starting to loose friends and family to the same disease. This time the loss was not in the form of death. Happily no one has died, but I realized that some relationships that I thought were strong, were not. In these cases, the loss came from women pulling away from me and others - creating interpersonal distance along with creating the space they needed to deal with the disease that humbled them and their families. For them, on a rational level, it is totally understandable. For me, on an emotional level, any space felt a little too big and too familiar - and too much like the beginning of the inevitable end.
Cancer seems to be one of the diseases that, while it critically affects those who have it in their bodies, also profoundly affects those who are in the circle of the disease - family, co-workers, friends, neighbors. Without getting into a dialog on who suffers more, everyone can agree that there are really no big winners in the battle with cancer, only small moments that illuminate how precious life is.
One of those crystal clear moments came for me after hearing one of these women relate their cancer story. As I fought back the tears, I realized that I was not fully healed from losing my mother years ago. I knew that I had to reconcile my feelings of abandonment and lost potential. I also knew that I needed to make the most of this wake-up call to create something better with my life.
And I needed to move fast. "Now" became my mantra.
I wanted to plum the depths of my experiences and emotions and start living more on purpose. I realized that I never wanted to reach 45 or 60 or 90 and say, "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda" and I specifically felt I owed it to my children, and to the memory of my mother, to make my time in this life really stand for something. For this I was going to have to face some big issues in my life and it would take courage, perseverance and a single-minded determination to make this happen.
Welcome to my journey. Join me for awhile...
posted by ElizabethBecker at 3:58 PM
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